Wishing and Hoping and Dreaming

It's funny how one potential change in your life can send your soul into a tailspin wishing and dreaming and hoping for all the new possibilities in your life. (sometimes the potential changes can send your mind down the path of a nightmare but that's not what this entry is about)

My life has had me running on speed and adrenaline since March. I have been reconnecting with people, cultivating new relationships and working on old ones, volunteering my time, reaching for new goals and maintaining current ones.

In the middle of life, an interview was dropped in my lap. The prospect of changing my career path excites me. I have been working for five years for a great employer, the only unfortunate circumstance of that situation is there was no potential future for a girl sitting with two business degrees. So this interview got me wishing and hoping and dreaming of what it could mean for me to go into corporate America and utilize my degrees.

Imagine my enthusiasm when I was offered the job. I have to admit, it scares me to change my routine and leave behind the people I have seen every day for five years and care for. But the prospect of my future and being self sufficient wins out over those circumstances.

So today is my first day starting the new job. As I sit on the train riding into my orientation I can't help but feel nervous and thrilled all at the same time. I'm not allowing my mind to go into self-doubt because I know I got this and the change in my life will be refreshing.

This type A girl who likes routine is getting all shook up and still wishing and hoping and dreaming.

Goals that Lead to Lifestyle Changes & Keeping Them

Back in January of 2011 I had a doctor convince me to get a full blood work up. This freaked me out, not only because needles and I have a fickle relationship, but because, what could they find?? I was a young 26 year old, I'm healthy, right? Even if I'm not, won't my youth cancel all of it out?

Then the test results came, my doctors exact words "Your cholesterol levels are impressive."

"Thanks doctor, I'll take a compliment where I can," I respond with a fat smile on my face.

"I don't mean in a good way Alicia, I mean badly, your cholesterol is 271, normal should be be between 125 - 200, you could drop dead of a heart attack at 26," she concluded.

My smile turned dumbfounded and my jaw dropped to the floor, along with my stomach and heart. Way to make a young person feel mortally in danger doc.

She of course discussed how I could help this situation without modern medicine, exercise, diet, fish oils and flaxseed. I jumped on this, I did not want to take medicine, I'm young and single, I still want to have kids, what kind of effect can cholesterol meds have on that?

I started going to the grocery store weekly and loaded up on yogurt (which I already love), fresh veggies and fruit. I lessened my fatty carbohydrates and added in more whole grain carbohydrates. Flaxseed lasted through about two weeks of good effort and then I gave up. I bought yoga dvds and took to those and riding the stationary bike every day until it got warm enough to ride my regular bike.

An amazing thing happened when I got my blood work done 3 months later, my cholesterol dropped 41 points, I felt better, looked better and found myself buying smaller jeans. This instilled a lifestyle change in me towards healthier living. Don't let this post fool you though, I still splurge (more often than I should!)

This winter was busy and hard, but I have set more goals for myself and taken to pick my exercise back up.

I volunteered at The Bank of America Chicago Marathon this past October and found it to be an amazing experience. I was in a spotter tower 20 feet off the ground watching the runners as they walked the recovery path to the after party. Our goal was to observe them and if anyone looked like they were about to pass out to notify the medics to the runner and if they laid down to yell at them to keep moving (you have to do that after such a hard work out on your body even though your mind tells you to sleep). As I watched these runners I saw every age and shape imaginable. And kept thinking, "if they can do this then surely I can!"

That brings me to goal number 1. Run a 5k by the end of 2012.

I am well on my way to succeeding with this goal. I went to a running store and purchased my first ever pair of running shoes after being properly fitted and observed by an expert. On Monday, March 19th, I started the Couch to 5K program. This is a challenge for me as I have never been athletic because I never had to be, I was a music geek. I am a tiny girl with a great metabolism but I recognize it is starting to slow down and I can head off a lot of health issues with the lifestyle change of learning to be fit. In order motivate me even further, I signed up for my first 5K, the Color Run in Kansas City. I am running it with my sister-in-law who also recently tried running and is about 4 weeks ahead of me in the Couch to 5K program. It's a huge encouragement to know we are doing this together, even if we are 500 miles away from each other at the moment. There is definitely strength in numbers, even if it's mentally.

And to transition to Goal number 2. Ride a 50 mile bike ride by the end of 2012.

I have always enjoyed biking and have the joy of having two men in my family who are very passionate about cycling. My dad and my brother. Watching them pick up bicycling and riding century rides (100 miles) in the past 8 years has been awesome. I couldn't be left out and started to partake in short rides with my dad. I recognized last year that my bike was a very heavy frame and I rarely went past 7 mile rides. So this spring, I ordered a new bike and boy has it made all the difference. My longest ride so far is 13 miles in one day and I have put 37 miles on my new bike so far this year. I have affectionately named it "The Gonz" after Gonzo from the Muppets. The Gonz and I have a long summer ahead of us that I look forward to taking to the roads and riding all over. It's pretty sad when your old man is more fit than you and 25 years my senior. No more trailing behind him, this year I will keep up and will do at least a 50 mile ride with him.

The icing on the cake...err, no icing, that's bad for my cholesterol...is my blood test is the end of April. I can't wait to see what a year of watching my diet and exercising more than I ever have in my life will do for my numbers.

2011-A year of lessons

I am only 20 days late in writing this post, but still wanted to get it up here. Besides, I'm within the first month of the year, that has to be good for a procrastinator like me.

I started out 2011 with my usual mindset, "this is going to be my year!" It didn't take but a couple weeks for an overwhelming theme to pop up for 2011, it certainly was my year....my year for learning. This wasn't the kind of learning you get from a classroom like I had been in for my entire life up until December 2010. This year was filled with life lessons. Every time something would knock me down I'd remind myself it was all a learning experience and that God was trying to teach me something.

Since I am not a resolution kind of person (I always have hopes, dreams and goals in my life, the year does not mark an end or a beginning in that aspect for me) and I don't want to be negative, I thought I'd capture 2011 by listing some of the things I learned from all my experiences.

• Even though you are young, it is never too early to be proactive about your health.


• I will always love singing and making music with other people.


• Thunder snow is an amazing sight (and sound) to witness.


• It takes almost an entire day for 2 people to shovel a driveway with approximately 20 inches of snow and over 4 foot drifts.


• People will come into your life and people will go. As hard as it is, let those that go, leave, they'll come back around if your story together is not over.


• Sushi is not that gross, except when you order the wrong roll and it has squid on the top. It is not aesthetically pleasing.


• Being passionately attracted to someones looks and personality does not translate into a true, functioning relationship.


• Never date the man who wants you to chase him. He's either not that into you or is an empty person.


• Music will always be my number one choice of therapy (shopping is a close second).


• Challenge yourself by doing things you never think you are capable of. Being a stage manager at a musical was one of my favorite experiences this year.


• Follow your gut.


• No matter how blindsided you are by an event, do not sit back and take the beating. Assert yourself, you will regret it later if you do not.


• When questioned about a situation, no matter what you say, 90% of the time the interrogators mind is made up about you and you have simply become a pawn on their chess board.


• Do not wear flip flops in downtown Chicago. Questionable substances will end up on your legs.


• Going for a bike ride by alone is the quickest way to clear my mind. There is nothing like the wind in my face, my feet pushing the resistance in my pedals, the trees whizzing by, breathing in the fresh air, the sun glaring down on me and dodging the gutsy squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, snakes, turtles, frogs and birds that dare cross my path.


• Wrigley field is still nothing but a giant bar to me.


• Always throw a swimsuit in your purse when going downtown Chicago in the summer, you never know when a hot day is going to come out of nowhere and you will just to shed your clothes and sit on the beach.


• God will leave you in an uncomfortable environment and let your pride fall in order to teach you humility.


• The Art Institute is a visit best shared by someone you can converse with about the art displayed.


• Spray on sunscreen does not provide near enough coverage as lotion. At least for me!


• Taking one of the last trains out of the city into the suburbs during The Taste of Chicago is an entertaining, multi-cultural learning experience. (This also applies to any big outdoor concerts in Millennium or Grant Park and White Sox or Cubs games.)


• It is not difficult to put two 80 plus year old women together in a room and get them gabbing and giggling like they are blissful teenagers again.


• A lot of sibling rivalries last a life time, but age and wisdom soften those rivalries into humor.


• A gap toothed truck driver that you meet at senior housing in the deep south can be even smarter than any business professor. Life experience no matter what your age, means, career, race, political ties is invaluable.


• Cemeteries can be beautiful and vastly full of history. All those headstones have a story to tell.


• A sanatorium is a long term medical facility associated with tuberculosis illness. It provided a lot of jobs for many of my ancestors.


• An outdoor wedding, while beautiful, takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Especially when it's 100+ degrees out.


• I am honest to a fault with everyone, but myself. In the words of Florence + the Machine "I've been keeping secrets, from my heart and from my soul."


• Mom's sweet tea is a cure all.


• I learned just how tragic a miscarriage is. I had no idea how much a woman has to endure until my best friend went through it.


• Playing vacation roulette is fun and can be successful!


• Even the calmest of weekends with my best college girl friends can become a highlight of the entire year.


• The night time Chicago River architecture cruise is peaceful and gorgeous.


• It takes quite a while to get up to the observation deck of the Sears Tower (I refuse to call it Willis) and it takes just as long to get out on the ledge and look through a glass floor 103 floors up.


• When you feel like your whole world is falling apart, it's easy to want to leave everything behind and start somewhere new.


• Don't be surprised when the tug of your almost four year old niece's hand begging you to have a slumber party with her wins out over going out with friends. She won't be this little forever.


• Jeans over $100 still shrink. Because I know my legs didn't get shorter.


• Massachusetts and Connecticut must make a lot of money off parking meter tickets. ALWAYS feed extra change in your meter.


• The historic New England pub was a hotel, a restaurant, a court, a church and a post office. It served all purposes.


• You meet very interesting people at breakfast when staying at a bed and breakfast. Surprisingly, most of them were my age!


• Boston's mass transit system is immaculately clean.


• Don't wear new shoes on vacation. The blood bursting blisters will scar your feet for four months and counting.


• Lobster isn't that great when you are taking on a nasty cold, stick to comfort food.


• Gnomes are adorable.


• I can and will continue to embrace no bangs. I gave up fighting my cowlick after 20 plus years, it's a beautiful thing.


• Observe a marathon, you will never believe the wide variety of runners. And you will leave thinking, "if they can do this, then certainly I can!"


• Every year I think this, but am always amazed at how blessed I am with those in my life that chose to celebrate my birthday with me.


• One small little man that you have never met can melt your heart the day he is born.


• I can survive a four year old girl's cupcake birthday party.


• Thai food is amazing.


• Whenever I make a new, complicated dessert, better plan on two batches. I always alter something after tasting the first and second batch is far superior.


• Much like follow your gut but a little different. You must also follow your heart.


• When the person that you let go comes back, it's as if you never missed a beat.


• My dad and I make a great cooking team in the kitchen, I can't wait for next Thanksgiving.


• My brother makes a killer apple pie with just the ingredients found around the house.


• The Christkindl Market is best for German pastries, Gluhwein and the souvenir boot.


• I am a terrible ice skater.


• Playing pranks can be fun if you're partner in crime is the right person.


• Befriending coworkers from different generations can give you a beneficial perspective on life and work you could not comprehend on your own.


• You always need someone to bounce ideas off of.


• If the rubber washer in the rim if your coffee mug won't stay in, throw out the entire mug. If not you will continue to spill the contents all over yourself and walk in to work with wet pants, shirt and/or a soaked purse.


• Christmas feels very un-Christmas without snow.


• I will never cease to enjoy seeing Christmas lights through my Nana's eyes.


• Children are extra gullible at Christmas (and extra silly).


• Sometimes in the middle of ordinary life, an ordinary person can surprise you.


• Most people choose to grow up, but there are some who want to live in their past forever and never better themselves.


• Moroccan oil works wonders on hair.


• When you get your bravery up to finally do something you need to do, follow the bravery on through.

So there are my lessons from 2011, some serious, some a little more entertaining. It's funny, the older I get the more I look forward to life and not just mine but others. The circle of people I care about and love continues to grow and watching their lives always excites me. So here's to 2012, another year full of life lessons.

So This Is Christmas

I'm sitting here listening to "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon and cannot help but be moved by the song.

It says in there "so this is Christmas, and what have you done? another year over and a new one just begun."

I get stuck at the question "What have you done?" Here in America, it seems we only remember to be charitable at this time when we are having seasonal songs surrounding us and feeding us with ideas of love, peace and charity. Why can't we create this idea to last all year round?

Simple as it may be, I'm challenging myself and anyone who would like to participate, let's find a way to make this feeling last all year round. Shed some light in someone else's life with completely unselfish motives except to sincerely help another human being. It could be simple as a smile to a stranger in the parking lot, to helping someone carry out groceries, anonymous donations to a family in need, volunteering, just something. Let's do something so next year when we hear John Lennon ask us once again, "What have you done?" we can answer with a positive list of all the love and light we have showered onto others.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Sometimes, you get a little lost

I am not sure what it is, age, senility, idleness or what, but in the past couple years I have allowed myself to think thoughts I have blocked out for my entire life.






Because of this, for a better part of this year I have questioned why my beliefs are what they are and are they right? I am fairly certain I am not the only person in her late 20's to formulate these questions. In fact, I think I may be late to the party.






I don't know how to best explain my journey of this year. I found myself being more open-minded than ever regarding others beliefs, respectful, even inquisitive. Who am I to beat them on the head and tell someone they are wrong? I certainly never like to be told I am wrong or all the basis of what I was raised with was incorrect. I mean who really knows what is right and wrong? Can life really be so starkly black and white? When it comes down to "christian" beliefs as the world defines it, we are mostly along the same basics, believing and using the bible. The key difference among us, the doctrines of all the different religions.






I believe as humans, we all desire the same thing, belief in a higher power, eternal love, peace, guidance, respect. Somewhere in all this doubt I think I hit near the bottom questioning it all. I didn't have the answers to any of this, how am I supposed to know??





And then it hit me.....one small five letter word can make all the difference in these questions. It's that "f" word that some no longer desire to say. I can't tell you the last time I have heard this word outside of a church setting. It is defined in Merriam Webster's Dictionary as:





1
a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2
a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3
: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs

Did you get it??? Faith.







Faith is an integral role in our beliefs. This epiphany slapped me in the face one morning as I witnessed several women with unmoving devotion and faith pray fervently for their children, others health, the well-being of the world-mentally, physically and spiritually. They were so selfless and full of a love that I do not believe we are capable of as human beings on our own. I sat listening, silent and on the verge of tears, trying to choke them down in the public setting I was at. I was ashamed that I spent the better part of this year questioning, what I came from, what was the basis of who I am.





It's interesting, I'm sure you inferred this, but this year I got a little lost. In the words of Pink Floyd, I became "comfortably numb." But it was sitting there, listening to those women pray, that I found myself again. I began to feel again, I felt God's unmoving presence. I swear to you, there is no such stronger faith than that of a woman praying for her children. It is unmovable and eternal.





Now throughout my lost period, I didn't care for the cynical person I had become but there are a few things I believe I may have benefited from. I have become more curious about others and their cultures, to the extent I would love to study what others believe and why. Do others believe in faith outside of the christian belief system? I have become more diplomatic and respectful of others. I have learned to see in each and every person's eyes how full of life they are, even if they are at the point of drowning, maybe they need my helping hand, my smile or my simple hello to let them know they are not on their own in this world and they are in fact still alive. Maybe my actions can pull them out of the proverbial water they are drowning in.





It's funny, throughout the past year I have been searching for something new, a way out from where the hole I was finding myself in. But I have always felt in the midst of all of my frustration, a peace, I was right where God wanted me. And I bet you I was, otherwise I would never have witnessed those women. I still feel like I'm right where God wants me and I know He is going to use me, I have been feeling this stirring about it all. I'm just not certain for what, but that is where my faith comes in.

Maybe it is all black and white.

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3 NIV

An Inciting Incident

For anyone who has read Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," you already understand the concept of the title for this entry. (if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.) In this book Mr. Miller speaks about the concept of your life being a story and how you can edit it into a better narrative. An inciting incident is an event in the main characters life that forces a change, it is something that has to be done in order to solve a problem or make a drastic change for the better.

It has been months I have been saying my life needs an inciting incident, rather it be in my professional or personal life. As I have mulled this thought over and over again in my mind, I had wondered, do I seek this out or what for it to come to me? After many months of seeking out this incident, I began to sit back. As I sat back I started feeling like I was right where God wanted me, that I should sit and wait. After all, good things come to those who wait, right?

Now my question is, what do you do when multiple, potential inciting incidents produce themselves to you within a short amount of time? It is at this point things get blurry, no longer black and white, gray if you will. One potential incident is completely unrelated, so no big deal.

But then there are two that in someway correlate. Potential Incident #1 needs a reaction of some sort. Potential Incident #2, I have no control over and have to patiently await an outcome. The long term reaction of potential incident #1 can have an effect if anything came out of #2. So What do you do? Sit like a dunce in the corner and wait for life to happen, no reaction to #1 at all? React to #1 in a dismissive manner so it has no affect on potential #2? Or react to #1 with your initial thoughts?

This is where I wonder if God and his will for us can be seriously that black and white. After all there are a portion of us God-fearing Christians that believe God's will is pre-destined and another portion that believes we as humans have free-will. In some ways I wish I had strong conviction on this idea-logy one way or another, if so this whole potential incidents #1 and #2 would be no debate whatsoever. But alas, I do not have conviction on either.

I do believe God has a will for us and his will be done. After much debating, I thought, "how would I feel when I am 80 if I did not react to potential incident #1 with my initial thoughts?" Truth is, I'd regret it. So here I am following my gut (for NCIS fans, my Gibbs' gut). Maybe later I will have information to post on this potential inciting incident in my life. Either way, like everything else, I am sure this will prove to be a learning experience. Here it goes......the old cliche, I am going to follow my heart. Potentially to be continued....

So I Met Someone This Weekend

I met a very important man indeed this weekend. I headed down to KC to see my brother and his family. I love making this drive because it gives me 8 hours alone in the car to think and I can stop along the way to visit some of my college girlfriends and catch up on their lives.

This particular visit was special once I got into KC as I got to meet a little man named Sawyer Ray. My nephew and only 10 days old at that.

Additionally it was my niece Emma's fourth birthday. We celebrated all day upon my arrival and the next day she had a cupcake party with 6 of her friends. I wasn't sure how I'd deal with a 4 year old's party but found myself loving every minute.

All in all a very special weekend indeed. It breaks my heart when I drive away to think that I cannot be in my niece & nephew's lives on a more regular basis.

It amazes me, this is the second baby in my life and in my family that I have gotten to follow along with the pregnancy and birth of these wonderful children. I have been the baby of my family up until Emma. I never realized how much love you can become consumed with for this little tiny human you have never met but you feel this attachment because it's your family. In fact it is overwhelming. And I am only the Aunt!! I can't imagine how it feels to be the mother who has nurtured this baby in your womb for 9 months and then to meet this tiny little person. It is an abundant blessing that I cannot wait to experience some day.