So This Is Christmas

I'm sitting here listening to "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon and cannot help but be moved by the song.

It says in there "so this is Christmas, and what have you done? another year over and a new one just begun."

I get stuck at the question "What have you done?" Here in America, it seems we only remember to be charitable at this time when we are having seasonal songs surrounding us and feeding us with ideas of love, peace and charity. Why can't we create this idea to last all year round?

Simple as it may be, I'm challenging myself and anyone who would like to participate, let's find a way to make this feeling last all year round. Shed some light in someone else's life with completely unselfish motives except to sincerely help another human being. It could be simple as a smile to a stranger in the parking lot, to helping someone carry out groceries, anonymous donations to a family in need, volunteering, just something. Let's do something so next year when we hear John Lennon ask us once again, "What have you done?" we can answer with a positive list of all the love and light we have showered onto others.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Sometimes, you get a little lost

I am not sure what it is, age, senility, idleness or what, but in the past couple years I have allowed myself to think thoughts I have blocked out for my entire life.






Because of this, for a better part of this year I have questioned why my beliefs are what they are and are they right? I am fairly certain I am not the only person in her late 20's to formulate these questions. In fact, I think I may be late to the party.






I don't know how to best explain my journey of this year. I found myself being more open-minded than ever regarding others beliefs, respectful, even inquisitive. Who am I to beat them on the head and tell someone they are wrong? I certainly never like to be told I am wrong or all the basis of what I was raised with was incorrect. I mean who really knows what is right and wrong? Can life really be so starkly black and white? When it comes down to "christian" beliefs as the world defines it, we are mostly along the same basics, believing and using the bible. The key difference among us, the doctrines of all the different religions.






I believe as humans, we all desire the same thing, belief in a higher power, eternal love, peace, guidance, respect. Somewhere in all this doubt I think I hit near the bottom questioning it all. I didn't have the answers to any of this, how am I supposed to know??





And then it hit me.....one small five letter word can make all the difference in these questions. It's that "f" word that some no longer desire to say. I can't tell you the last time I have heard this word outside of a church setting. It is defined in Merriam Webster's Dictionary as:





1
a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2
a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3
: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs

Did you get it??? Faith.







Faith is an integral role in our beliefs. This epiphany slapped me in the face one morning as I witnessed several women with unmoving devotion and faith pray fervently for their children, others health, the well-being of the world-mentally, physically and spiritually. They were so selfless and full of a love that I do not believe we are capable of as human beings on our own. I sat listening, silent and on the verge of tears, trying to choke them down in the public setting I was at. I was ashamed that I spent the better part of this year questioning, what I came from, what was the basis of who I am.





It's interesting, I'm sure you inferred this, but this year I got a little lost. In the words of Pink Floyd, I became "comfortably numb." But it was sitting there, listening to those women pray, that I found myself again. I began to feel again, I felt God's unmoving presence. I swear to you, there is no such stronger faith than that of a woman praying for her children. It is unmovable and eternal.





Now throughout my lost period, I didn't care for the cynical person I had become but there are a few things I believe I may have benefited from. I have become more curious about others and their cultures, to the extent I would love to study what others believe and why. Do others believe in faith outside of the christian belief system? I have become more diplomatic and respectful of others. I have learned to see in each and every person's eyes how full of life they are, even if they are at the point of drowning, maybe they need my helping hand, my smile or my simple hello to let them know they are not on their own in this world and they are in fact still alive. Maybe my actions can pull them out of the proverbial water they are drowning in.





It's funny, throughout the past year I have been searching for something new, a way out from where the hole I was finding myself in. But I have always felt in the midst of all of my frustration, a peace, I was right where God wanted me. And I bet you I was, otherwise I would never have witnessed those women. I still feel like I'm right where God wants me and I know He is going to use me, I have been feeling this stirring about it all. I'm just not certain for what, but that is where my faith comes in.

Maybe it is all black and white.

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3 NIV

An Inciting Incident

For anyone who has read Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," you already understand the concept of the title for this entry. (if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.) In this book Mr. Miller speaks about the concept of your life being a story and how you can edit it into a better narrative. An inciting incident is an event in the main characters life that forces a change, it is something that has to be done in order to solve a problem or make a drastic change for the better.

It has been months I have been saying my life needs an inciting incident, rather it be in my professional or personal life. As I have mulled this thought over and over again in my mind, I had wondered, do I seek this out or what for it to come to me? After many months of seeking out this incident, I began to sit back. As I sat back I started feeling like I was right where God wanted me, that I should sit and wait. After all, good things come to those who wait, right?

Now my question is, what do you do when multiple, potential inciting incidents produce themselves to you within a short amount of time? It is at this point things get blurry, no longer black and white, gray if you will. One potential incident is completely unrelated, so no big deal.

But then there are two that in someway correlate. Potential Incident #1 needs a reaction of some sort. Potential Incident #2, I have no control over and have to patiently await an outcome. The long term reaction of potential incident #1 can have an effect if anything came out of #2. So What do you do? Sit like a dunce in the corner and wait for life to happen, no reaction to #1 at all? React to #1 in a dismissive manner so it has no affect on potential #2? Or react to #1 with your initial thoughts?

This is where I wonder if God and his will for us can be seriously that black and white. After all there are a portion of us God-fearing Christians that believe God's will is pre-destined and another portion that believes we as humans have free-will. In some ways I wish I had strong conviction on this idea-logy one way or another, if so this whole potential incidents #1 and #2 would be no debate whatsoever. But alas, I do not have conviction on either.

I do believe God has a will for us and his will be done. After much debating, I thought, "how would I feel when I am 80 if I did not react to potential incident #1 with my initial thoughts?" Truth is, I'd regret it. So here I am following my gut (for NCIS fans, my Gibbs' gut). Maybe later I will have information to post on this potential inciting incident in my life. Either way, like everything else, I am sure this will prove to be a learning experience. Here it goes......the old cliche, I am going to follow my heart. Potentially to be continued....

So I Met Someone This Weekend

I met a very important man indeed this weekend. I headed down to KC to see my brother and his family. I love making this drive because it gives me 8 hours alone in the car to think and I can stop along the way to visit some of my college girlfriends and catch up on their lives.

This particular visit was special once I got into KC as I got to meet a little man named Sawyer Ray. My nephew and only 10 days old at that.

Additionally it was my niece Emma's fourth birthday. We celebrated all day upon my arrival and the next day she had a cupcake party with 6 of her friends. I wasn't sure how I'd deal with a 4 year old's party but found myself loving every minute.

All in all a very special weekend indeed. It breaks my heart when I drive away to think that I cannot be in my niece & nephew's lives on a more regular basis.

It amazes me, this is the second baby in my life and in my family that I have gotten to follow along with the pregnancy and birth of these wonderful children. I have been the baby of my family up until Emma. I never realized how much love you can become consumed with for this little tiny human you have never met but you feel this attachment because it's your family. In fact it is overwhelming. And I am only the Aunt!! I can't imagine how it feels to be the mother who has nurtured this baby in your womb for 9 months and then to meet this tiny little person. It is an abundant blessing that I cannot wait to experience some day.

The Deliberation

So after much deliberation (both internally and with others) I have decided to begin this blog. I am not doing this because I think my viewpoint on life is superior or that my life is uber interesting (it's actually quite plain). I am doing this for me. I have been thinking about starting some sort of journal for the past 6 months to harness the many ideas and thoughts floating through my head. It was between keeping it private and sharing it out in the open. Some things, rightfully so, will remain private, but as for these thoughts/ideas, I am open to sharing.

The name of the blog "Caught Somewhere In Between" is how I summarize my current stage in life. I am caught in between in my job, my relationships, my living situation, my morals, my beliefs, my tastes, my opinions, pretty much everything. I don't know if it's just the point in my life or who I am becoming. I am quite contrary as many of my friends and family will tell anyone but I do try to see all sides of the situation and maybe that is what has put me in the point of being caught somewhere in between in life.

If you happen to stumble upon this blog, feel free to add a viewpoint I haven't thought of. Or maybe just laugh at the way my mind works, I know I do! This is my starting point, maybe this can cultivate my thoughts, coax out a writer that may be in me or just bring back the artistic side of my brain. And as I sign off, I am now "caught somewhere in between" in this blog.